She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
