It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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