I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
