She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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