Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
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She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize