Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
