What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
