i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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