i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
