I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
