I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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