I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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