I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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