I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
