i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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