i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
