i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize