2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There's always time for handjobs
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
