We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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