just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Enjoy the penises
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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