I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
