Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
