i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
