I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
