The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
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I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
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I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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