Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
