forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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