She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
