she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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