Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
