I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
