tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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