what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
