Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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