When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
