i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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