I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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