I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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