I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
