if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
