She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
