His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
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He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
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I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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