I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
