I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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