i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.