I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
