she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
