I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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