At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
