Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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