The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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