i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
