Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
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It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
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Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize