wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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