hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
