I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
