You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
