is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
