People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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